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Wow, it's been almost two years since I last wrote anything here. So. . .perhaps I owe everyone a bit of an update? For those new to my blog now that I've migrated it over to the website, welcome aboard! I encourage you to go back to the beginning and read the posts chronologically if you want to understand my cancer experience as I was going through it. If you're short on time -- Tl;dr version: in 2019 I was diagnosed with stage 3 oral squamous cell carcinoma of the tongue (

Today is National Cancer Survivors Day and its my 4th celebrating as a cancer survivor. In the grand scheme of things, I suppose I’m still relatively new at this, but I feel like a veteran with the massive amount of spiritual and emotional growth I’ve gone through since my diagnosis. Its funny how time canContinue reading “What Does it Mean to Be a Survivor?”

It’s an odd feeling to look back at myself 4 years ago, just a few months shy of my first Rebirthday, and remember how hard the Summer months used to hit. The sounds of the crickets and the spring peepers would churn up a dark feeling of dread in the depths of my gut. InContinue reading “Reminiscing on Death”

Does anyone else get a song stuck in their head and then have it there the entirety of writing their blog post? No? Just me? Ok then. . . I posed a question yesterday for the members of my survivorship Facebook group, and I thought I’d answer it here because I have lots to sayContinue reading “Body-ody-ody”

A few months ago I submitted my story for my university’s inaugural Nurse Story Slam. The theme was “Finding Joy Through Adversity” and I thought well, hell. I know a thing or two about this… However, I didn’t think I’d honestly be chosen to tell my story. I mean, lots of nurses have amazing storiesContinue reading “Do The Big, Scary Things”

Today I attended the beautiful, heart-breaking funeral of a fellow young adult with cancer. I don’t know what to write, because everything I put down sounds selfish to me. But, I guess that’s the nature of Survivor’s Guilt. So. . . I guess I’ll try to write without overthinking how it sounds and just letContinue reading “Permission to Live”

Sometimes I feel like a ghost screaming at the real world, longing to be heard. All I want is for one person to turn around and see me, to acknowledge my effort in just being, And say “I hear you. I see you. You are real to me.” Sometimes I feel like a hamster onContinue reading “All I Want”

I’ve spent almost the last 3 years mourning my old self, lamenting the past. I think a lot of people do this, whether or not they’ve faced cancer or another life-altering trauma. I believe it’s a form of anxious attachment to perceived comfort and stability; we feel safe in the known, even if the knownContinue reading “Rebirth”

Since my diagnosis first with Charcot-Marie-Tooth (a genetic degenerative neuromuscular disease) and then with tongue cancer (also a genetic thing), I’ve often joked that I’m like one of the X-Men. If you’re unfamiliar with Marvel’s X-Men, they can best be described as humans with genetic changes that give them a variety of super powers. They’reContinue reading “Superhero Status Achieved”

The story starts with our beloved heroine, exhausted from slaying demons, sobbing on the floor. She is alone in her cold, gray tower. Alone except for the demons she grows so weary of fighting. She has realized there is no knight coming to save her. No army. No one. And the demons keep marching steadilyContinue reading “A More Realistic Fairy Tale”

Do you choose fear or love?

I can distinctly remember a shirt I hated as a child because it was itchy. I remember throwing a fit because of it. I still hate itchy or restrictive clothes. I have to have 400+ thread count sheets and they have to be cotton, not sateen. Otherwise they feel scratchy and I can’t get comfortable.Continue reading “The Gift”

Ah, Summer. The warm air. Crickets chirping. Beach trips. Family vacations. Cookouts. A sense of inexplicable depression and dread. Record screech Wait, what? This time two years ago I was discovering myself and learning to accept myself. I was getting into working out more, had met a really great guy, my son had just finishedContinue reading “Summertime Sadness”

Cancer survivorship is complicated. Every single day is a gift to be met with open arms. Except it’s a gift from your 97-year-old Great Aunt Edna who thinks you’re still 7 and love Pepto-Bismol pink wool turtleneck sweaters with cows sewn on the front. And it’s the only thing you can wear for the restContinue reading “Looking a Gift Horse Squarely in the Mouth”

Today I miss her. I miss her smile. I miss her sarcasm and how she would sit outside on Summer evenings and savor a glass of sweet wine. I miss her love of spicy food and trying new things and pushing the limits of her physical capabilities. I even miss her naivete. Sometimes I especiallyContinue reading “A Eulogy to My Former Self”

Sometimes when I’m feeling particularly emotional, I just start writing. This came to me a few days ago when I was feeling down about post-treatment life. One thing I find so amazing about creative writing is it almost always leads me to the mindset shift I need to pull myself out of the darkness. ItContinue reading “Out of the Darkness Comes the Light”

Well, I think it’s safe to say most of us are pretty ecstatic to leave 2020 behind us. I feel like we’ve never been more divided into “us” and “them” than we became this year. We stopped listening to what one another had to say and our ignorance and selfishness has hurt us more thanContinue reading “2020 Vision”

I only saw my grandmother cry one time in my 38 years with her, and that was at the funeral for her husband when he passed away 5 years ago. Dorothy Jane (or Bunny as she was known to those close to her) was a stoic but compassionate woman. Her smile and her laugh wereContinue reading “Dorothy Jane”

I saw a post today about mental health and cancer survivors and realized yesterday was Mental Health Awareness Day. If you’ve spent any time at all reading my posts you have probably realized that mental health is a cause as near and dear to my heart as cancer. Since my treatment ended, I’ve been workingContinue reading “The Power of And”

The first thing people ask me when they find out I had cancer is always something along the lines of “are you better, now?” Generally I answer “yup, two scans show no evidence of disease!” because that’s the easy answer, the answer people want to hear when they make polite conversation and just want toContinue reading “Are you Better?”